After having a relationship for almost 3years, i never thought i can love again. After the pain I experienced I thought I am cold already.
I wasn’t a man hater but I am not ready to commit. I just want to enjoy my life being single. I hang-out with friends, dated and entertaining
suitors but then again I am not ready. Although I really wanted someone to be at my side in times I am happy and sad. I wanted someone to
cuddle me, to make me feel how to be loved. Then my best friend came, I really thought there is a chance for us but then he turned me down,
I cried and move-on. I was so bitter, then someone was trying to be a boyfriend but didn’t want to commit with me. We tried but then I stop
and clear things out to him that it’s not gonna work out. He wanted to court me but I decline it though I had a thing with him but I guess it’s
not that just right. We remained friends. Then I prayed to God that if ever I meet someone I’ll gladly accept it . Then someone chatted me.
Trying to have a conversation with me and that time honestly I wasn’t interested in him. After how many days since he chatted we met
accidentally and he just caught my attention. He chatted me again and get my contact no. He asked if he could court me and I just said yes!
I was wondering why I said yes. I prayed and asked if he was the one and that night I slept with a smile. I gave him a chance and I want to
know him more so I met his friends and sadly I found out that he’ll work abroad. I was disappointed and thinking there’s no chance anymore.
I got to school being sad because I thought I’m having a boyfriend but it will not happened because I am afraid to take that risk.
I was afraid in a LDR because it’s too risky, it might not work for me because I am a clingy girlfriend and I want my guy to be at my side
all times in case I need him. I can’t explain why there is something. I can’t accept it that it’s possible to fall for someone in just days.
When the time I saw him in church accidentally I really said okay I’m taking the risk. When I said let’s try it was unexplained feeling
and I never regretted to take the risk but it’s painful. The pain I’m experiencing is unbearable. I’ve tried many times to let go because
it’s not healthy for me already but guess what I always came back and telling myself I love this guy so much that I’m willing to be in pain
just to be with him. It’s like his my pain killer, my drug everyday. I can’t imagine without him anymore. If being with him is experiencing
pain I know it’s worth it. The love I have for him is different. It was overflowing. I can’t described it, I cant quantify it. He can make
my heart beats wildly and I am so afraid to lose him. He’s my better half, my partner in life. The one I wanted to build a future with. The
one I wanted to annoy and I wanted to take care. I wanted to cook for him. I wanted to fulfill my dreams with him. Travel with him. Doing
crazy things with him. And wanted to grow old with him. I think he’s my life already! I told myself that I shouldn’t let myself to be so inlove
with a guy because it might be I’m the one who’ll be hurt in the end. But I know he’s worth the pain.!
I am writing this because I wanted you to read this. I’m letting you know what I am thinking and how I feel towards you.!!
This was the first time I am letting someone know my thoughts.
I know we had the issues, we don’t understand each other, we always clash, we have petty fights but I guess that’s the spice in our relationship.
As what I said Love is greater than hatred. How many times we let go each other but we always came back.
I’ll be waiting even if it’s hurting me already! 🙂
I wrote this last night after I deactivated my fb account because I don’t want to have an arguments with you again.!
I cried my heart out when I wrote this and I love you my love! Hoping to see you soon. 😦